It’s okay not to be okay

I know what you’re all thinking: “She’s smiling and looks happy, how could she possibly suffer from any mental health problems? You can definitely tell when someone is struggling, and she looks fine.”

What if I told you that the woman in the photo struggles with ADHD, anxiety, and occasional cases of mild depression?

Today is World Mental Health Awareness Day. The day provides an opportunity for all stakeholders working on mental health issues to talk about their work, and what more needs to be done to make mental health care a reality for people worldwide.

Mental health does not pick and choose its victims, there is no “type” of person who has a mental health condition.

Mental health affects 1 in 5 adults in the United States. 1 in 5.

I’ve always been vocal about my conditions, especially in pageantry, and it hurts me greatly when someone tells me that I shouldn’t “talk about my mental health conditions because it’s depressing to talk about and people will think differently of you.”

In one interview for a Miss America local, I was asked about my greatest weakness. I could have given a canned answer, but I decided to be candid and told them that I struggle with ADHD and that it affects me from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I wanted to use my mental health conditions to bring awareness to mental health and start the conversation in the community.

I wanted to use my voice to let people know that it is okay not to be okay- it’s okay to have a condition that you can’t control. It’s okay to ask for help, and it’s okay to openly talk about mental health.

After the competition concluded, I had one of my judges from the panel ask if she could offer advice. Her advice was that I shouldn’t talk about mental health and I shouldn’t draw attention to something that could negatively affect my scores.

I was heartbroken.

I appreciated her advice, but I decided that I would never remain silent about something that it is so important to me.

As a titleholder, I have the unique ability to bring awareness to a subject that people want to shove under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist because it’s “easier.”

This mentality is why the stigma surrounding mental health is the way that it is. Mental health is not a disease, and it doesn’t make anyone any lesser.

Stigma is very pervasive in our society, and it is a reason why so many people with completely treatable conditions suffer needlessly, and sometimes tragically. It is a generic term, but covers all negative actions, perceptions, beliefs and attitudes towards people who deal with issues pertaining to mental health. Millions of people struggle with their mental health, and we need to be a society that does not discriminate or ostracize people because of mental illness, but instead we should accept and embrace them, rally and support them, just as we would for someone who is fighting a physical illness such as cancer.

Understanding is the first step in ending the stigma. This means we need to educate ourselves and learn all we can about mental health issues. If you don’t know the signs of depression, or if you don’t understand words like “psychosis”, or you aren’t sure why a particular child with autism or ADD might act a certain way, then you need to take the time to learn and understand. Absorb information. Be a ‘sponge’ and teach others.

Here is a sentence that all of our society should believe: “There is no shame in therapy.” We must stop this notion of embarrassment over seeing a therapist. When an employee tells someone at work “I have a doctor’s appointment”, no one bats an eye. But to say “I have an appointment with my counselor (or psychologist)” suddenly people start mumbling, “Oooh, did you hear so-and-so is seeing a therapist? Must be dealing with something serious”…and thus the rumor mill begins to churn, and stigma has won.

Talk about counseling and therapy openly as something that is healthy, and not shameful. Therapy is a good thing. We can say it, and fully believe it, because it is true.

Lastly, I encourage each of us to start the conversation about mental health. The stigma cannot be defeated with the help of one person, it is going to take all of us. Start speaking up- whether in forums, in blogs, in person, to your family, or friends…everywhere. When you are on your social media channels, and there is an opportunity to talk about mental health awareness, take it.

When you learn of an event or tragedy in the news and people want to blame or focus on things like politics, gun control, or movies…bring up the topic of mental health. Far too many times after a tragedy, politicians act quickly to score points and take the spotlight away from mental health and put it on policy debates.

We must resist the notion that people self-cause mental illness, and equally we must dismiss the idea that they can ‘control’ it.

I know this post was long and heavy, but I woke up this morning and hit a wall. I felt like I was weak because my anxiety and self-doubt was overcoming me, and thus, I turned to my blog.

If this post has helped just one person, then I have succeeded. Start the conversation, understand that mental health is not something to be ashamed of, and pass on the conversation to another person.

Start a chain reaction of self-love, encouragement, and understanding.

Work hard. Stay humble. Love well.

XO,

Stephanie

#mentalhealth #missamerica